How I accidentally lost 50 pounds and why trying to lose weight doesn’t work

Did you know it’s possible to accidentally lose 50 pounds? I did. My family and I dieted for years and it never worked, at least not for long. We experienced that wretched dieting yo-yo effect in which we regained more than we lost. We would get so hopeful and motivated, then when we ended up worse off, we would feel so devastated. It seemed easier to give up than to ever hope again. It felt like maybe something was wrong with me – maybe it was genetic. Maybe I was defective. Maybe other people could lose weight, but not me.

And the thing is, I didn’t look bad before I lost the weight. I carried the weight well and, even though I couldn’t see it at the time, I was super adorable. However, even in my youthful early 20s, I had low energy, digestive issues, brain fog, anxiety, irritability, clumsiness and I just felt energetically weak and heavy. I also had extremely poor self-esteem. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was not healthy, physically or emotionally. The weight was a symptom, not the core issue.

Then, I accidentally lost 50 pounds when I least expected it. I was living in Seville, Spain, adopted by a local neighborhood community, eating delicious food, walking everywhere, becoming fluent in Spanish, going dancing, having a great time and, in essence, becoming a different version of myself without even realizing it. One day, my Spanish girlfriends had an intervention. Unbeknownst to me, I had shrunk and was still wearing baggy clothes to hide my body. They insisted that I get a haircut and let them take me shopping. It was like the Spanish girl version of the “Fab Five” did a makeover on me, and it was indeed fabulous.

Every spring in Spain, there is an event known as “La Feria de Sevilla,” or the Fair of Seville. Women traditionally wear ruffled, polka dotted “flamenco” style dresses. The year before, my boyfriend’s mother told me she was going to borrow a dress for me from the neighbor’s daughter because she was “gordita,” or chubby, like me. I felt so embarrassed, even thought no hard feelings were meant. Spaniards could just be straight shooters like that.

That was no longer the case this year, as I slipped into a red dress with white polka dots, puffy sleeves and a slender torso. During this time in Spain, my confidence shot through the roof as did my desire to understand what had happened.

You see, this “accidental” weight loss wasn’t just me. This is human nature. Here is what I have observed in my personal life, my research and decades of professional experience as an integrative and functional health consultant. I have found over and over that it’s nearly impossible to lose weight and keep it off when weight loss is the primary focus. Why? Because when you focus on what you don’t want, “shouldn’t do” and “can’t have,” you create negative emotion, struggle and rebellion. You are also rejecting, not integrating, aspects of yourself.

Willpower is a joke. It does not work.

Is your focus on losing what you don’t want or gaining what you do want?